“You do not need pasta.” — Me laying in bed talking to myself at 1:30 in the morning  (via an-old-fashioned-villian)

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My parents are both pastors and once I was fucking this one dude who’s dad was the pastor of the rival church and he whispered ‘talk biblical to me’ so i started reciting Psalms  23 and we ended up getting into a competition of who could recite the most bible versus before they cummed

you need less jesus

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don’t get it twisted like i respect bugs for being the best they can be in spite of their specific assigned flesh prisons and their ecological significance but they need to stay the fuck away from me 

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[HQS] 5 Seconds of Summer arrive at Jimmy Kimmel Live! - July 24, 2014.

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remember: if you want to be taken seriously as a female sports fan you must have watched the sport for a minimum of 27 years, be able to recall the entire roster from last year and 1983, never insinuate that a player is the least bit attractive, and memorize the rule book backwards in Cantonese

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what even is this show

the deleted scene from american horror story: Coven

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when the whole squad is being fake


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s/o to this page of emojis

#how to kill your husband and take it all 

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